Friday, October 26, 2012


I lay awake at night wondering why...
My tears are silent and my breath is but a sigh.
I'm tired and physically in pain...
I have nothing left and nothing to gain.
I am a target of never ending lies and twisted blame....
I cry in the shadows and question my shame. BY~©COPYRIGHTED CRYSTAL STUDEBAKER 2012


My heart is paper thin...
bruised and beaten,hidden behind skin.
My eyes sting with endless pain..
Pressure and redness, praying for rain.
My soul is at a loss..
Dark and cold, searching the cross.
My lips are stained with lovers lies...
Smiles and laughter hide my cries. BY~ ©COPYRIGHTED CRYSTAL STUDEBAKER 2012


I am
I am a book of hidden journeys I dare not speak...
A novel of fear and horror not soo bleak.
I am that creature you pity in the park...
A wounded human left in the dark.
I am a mother without her fame...
I am a person who takes your blame.
<If you do not know me>
PLEASE DO NOT COPY-all my poetry is copyrighted by law. Ty


There's a time when life stands still...or so you think.
that thirst for happiness just a drink.
fear of losing ones self in that darkened whole...
belief that it may over power even your soul.
hope is what keeps you alive....
Yet what if there is nothing left to strive?
Pain is your only thing left you possess....
It's like waiting for God's paperwork to just finally process. 



flowers in my mailbox

there was a flower as bright as the sun...
orange and yellow colors bloomed for fun...

there was this flower in the morning light...
purple colors that shined so bright..

my mailbox in which they laid....
different days like a morning parade...

flowers in my mailbox
how do you read a whisper....
or breath in a kiss...
longing to know true bliss.

flowers in my mailbox
how do you read his eyes..if they are closed..
or know a thought..if not spoke..

flowers in my mailbox is all i know...
and this is what he'll show
feel his heart..hear it beat
and flow to his dance so soft and sweet...

he is your lover, your friend..
no matter what, hold him till the end.


There are days when I have no idea what i want or what i'm doing and then there are days where I see everything clearly and the days fly by. I wish I had a time machine in order to fix things in my past, but then i think...i wouldn't be here.


My vision is blurry, my speech is fading..I'm becoming darker, i'm cold and even hating.I have begun to lose the light that once shined my path...I will eventually see no life needed to be hath.I cry out for
you in my slightest of dreams...Yet find no peace as I am a walking time bomb with no further means..Please open your eyes, your heart and find me hidden in the night...For I fear I have nothing left but you, who once held my burning light.


I am waiting for time to pass....Looking through this broken glass.
Praying I'm in a dream...Or maybe im just drowning in this ever flowing mental stream.
I have no tears within these eyes...I'm consumed by self hatred and lifes stream of lies.
I'm only a beautiful portrait of what others want to see...Yet darkness is what lies within me.



have you ever felt or seen true tears?that over flowing river that's not brought on by fears. the experience of being truly broken...the kind of hurt you rarely see and is never spoken.A pain so overwhelming you think you're gonna die...yet
all that seems to happen is the uncontrollable cry.And if you saw that tear and it wasn't your own...would you grasp it in your arms and say "you're not alone"?or would you shut your eyes turn around and assume it's just a phase...or even just another traumatic childhood aware that this tear is the has been known to shut a life down in a day, minute or even an hour.ones emotion is never a game...and their feelings should never be put to shame.yet even though its written you will not follow the person becomes empty and cannot turn to I am leaving you with these words I pray you take the heart... you cannot judge someone you love by the emotional shield of make up they wear upon their face....or keep on ignoring and making them feel disgraced.because eventually it will become aware...yet it's too late... she is now drowning in her own despair. COPYRIGHTED FOR CRYSTAL STUDEBAKER ©