Saturday, October 1, 2011

PSALMS 6 > a passage I have read/kept with me since I was young

O LORD, do not rebuke me in Your anger,
Nor chasten me in Your hot displeasure.
Have mercy on me, O Lord, for I am weak;
O Lord, heal me, for my bones are troubled.
My soul also is greatly troubled;
But You, O Lord -how long?

Return, O Lord, deliver me!
Oh, save me for Your mercies' sake!
For in death there is no
 remembrance of You;
In the grave who will give You thanks?

I am weary with my groaning;
All night I make my bed swim;
I drench my couch with my tears.
My eye wastes away because of grief;
It grows old because of all my enemies.

Depart from me, all you workers of iniquity;
For the Lord has heard the voice of my weeping.
The Lord has heard my supplication;
The Lord will receive my prayer.
Let all my enemies be ashamed and greatly
Let them turn back  be ashamed suddenly.

There are soo many stories behind this....and to be honest they have all been soaked with tears upon a couch through out my lifetime. I started reading this verse when I was 10yrs old, it was shown and read to me by one of my  youth group teachers. She brought it to my attention to help me ward off some very intense dreams, visions I was having of Satan himself. I started getting these of what i remember was around 10. I pretty much was born and lived on a couch in some way or another, funny, but true. And I would always see this stern, dark red, smoky figure in the corner wall of where ever I was sleeping at the time. Well as months went by the figure became more and more identifiable to me. He was a well dressed, dark red skinned man who smoked these horrible smelling cigars. I could never place/ make out his facial features, but his eyes were.....well hard to even describe in words, but I can say they made me feel empty and horrid, but yet respectable. He would talk, but I never really heard.....but some how I understood. I had a great fear of this man for 2 yrs and so I started becoming very in tuned with GOD and his word on a daily basis. And then one night I confronted this evil with one very strong, intense prayer I did out loud, in his presence, without fear. I haven't seen him since, that I can recall. But my life since then has become more and more twisted and tested to the max. I feel like JOB from the bible. And I am mentally breaking, because this test of faith is not material, family, etc. but spiritually deep within myself...heart and soul. I'm at constant war within/with myself. And I feel as years , months go by....I'm losing, my strength is weakening. I'm becoming tired and weary. I was once told by a wonderful man that I am a fallen angel with a mission on this earth, that until fulfilled I am not allowed to leave. And though I may not feel or see it as such, there is a BIG reason why I had/have the life I have/had.  Whether it is to teach/mentor others that are walking that road I was on, or to be the light for those who cannot see. Well.... I will accept that analogy. Because as far fetched as it may sound, it's the ONLY reason I can think... of why I was born.